Inside My Head … Getting My Kids Out the Door

It’s 6:30 AM. Why do I even set an alarm? The two year old is kicking the wall through the crib slats, which is his signal that he’s done sleeping. My first thought is “is today a hair-wash day?” No. No it is not. Thank you Jesus for inventing dry shampoo. This realization is motivating.

I glance out the window. There is a blanket of snow on the ground. It’s April. This is de-motivating. Note to self: check the weather and find out when this madness will end.

I wonder if the toddler will let me pee and brush my teeth before the wailing starts. Small mercies. Note to self: make him wait every morning. He’s cuter when my bladder isn’t exploding. When we head downstairs I realize my bigs are also up at this ungodly hour. Watching some sports something. Weirdos. I tell myself they could have worse obsessions.

To the coffee maker … Mandatory first stop. Shhhhh. Stop talking, all of you. My coffee requires re-heating no less than 3 times in the microwave. Note to self: use the insulated coffee cup. Duh.

Take a photo of the snow outside. Make sure the ugly part of the yard doesn’t show. Post to Instagram. “Go home April, you’re drunk.” LOL at my own wit.

I am grateful for Aldi frozen French toast sticks. Why do we go through a whole box in one morning??? Note to self: buy more than 2 boxes of French toast sticks at a time. The two-year-old begs for French toast sticks and syrup. Catch myself thinking he’s so cute when he plays with his hair … wait, don’t put the syrup in there! Please let this not be a day that will require a shampoo in the sink. I need to sneak away and take my shower.

Oh wait, nature calls. Toddler bangs on the door and yells the entire time.

Shower is quick, not relaxing. Somehow I manage to contemplate my whole life in 8 minutes.  Life is crazy, but I sure am blessed.  Hop out and remind 9-year-old he also needs one, cue the whining. Boy mom problems. “Are you all dressed down there? Finish your breakfast! Do you have your socks?” What should I wear? Oh boy.

Someone is in my room whining about not having their favorite pants/shirt/socks to wear. I ignore them.

In my closet I find that my favorite sweatpants have gotten tucked in with my jeans. Well that’s a cruel joke. I contemplate wearing the sweatpants but realize my Costco trip today requires jeans. I consider the sweatpants again. No, today I need boots, which means I need skinny jeans, which means I better choose these ones with the elastic in the waistband. Tolerable. Why do I care what I look like at Costco?! Wait, I definitely care.

I check the weather. High today is 30°. I put on a fleece sweatshirt. Wrestling the littles in Costco while wearing this sweatshirt will cause me to sweat profusely. Try again. I’d really like a hoodie. Compromise and thank Target for this hybrid sweater/sweatshirt thing. Can I get away without a coat? Maybe. Pull on the tall socks.

I still need to change the baby‘s diaper and get him dressed. Ok done. Why are all the other boys STILL in their underwear?!

Brush, dry shampoo, ponytail, done. Tolerable again. Head downstairs. Can’t leave the kids unsupervised while I do my makeup, so I set up in the downstairs bathroom. Inspect pores and squeeze where necessary. Why do I still have these problems at my age? Note to self: more product research.

Maybe I should pack the lunches first? “Are you sure you don’t want hot lunch today?! No???” Ok … back to my face … ugh … I shouldn’t have squeezed that one so hard. I need some extra concealer. Who am I kidding I always need extra concealer. Why can I still see dark circles under my eyes? There’s liquid blush still smeared on my hand. Note to self: wash hands.

“Does everyone have their socks on???  Brush your teeth or they’ll turn black and fall out of your head!”

Note to self: look up tutorial on eye shadow blending. I spend too much time considering eyeliner. I need bronzer, I look like a ghost, thank you winter. Where is my purse? I need lip gloss. Note to self: find a purse SPOT. My face looks done. But I’m not gonna go do anything crazy like take a selfie.

Winter coats! Son of a nutcracker, the toddler has a poopy diaper. Good thing we have a few extra minutes.

Finally kids are in the car. I manage run inside no less than 3 additional times for items forgotten, demanded or I decide I need. I need water. I need a LaraBar.  I need my phone.  We’re stopping at Starbucks after drop-off, it’s double star day. I need Advil.

I realize too late that now my oldest will be late for his orthodontist appointment.

Finally out of the driveway.

On the way, I’m drilling the preschooler about what’s in his winter gear bag and realize he has no hat. Note to self: put a winter hat in his bag after he gets home.

Note to self: Be more present, cherish the moment, be more intentional in parenting, pray for my kids …

Drop off line … Bye guys, LOVE YOU!

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